The Case for Fergie

I know you're all thinking, who gives a rat’s ass about Fergie?  The woman's a fool, an embarrassment to the world.  Without a dime to her name, she takes 50,000 pound shopping sprees, flies around the world first class, stays at top hotels.

Now she's caught making a deal to sell access to her former husband, Prince Andrew in order to raise needed cash, like 500,000 pounds or $720,000 grand.

She’s made her own bed, so let her lie in it.

Except there’s more to these wrinkled sheets than you might think.

After Fergie divorced Andrew in 1996, she wanted to keep civil ties to the royal family so she accepted a meager settlement of 15,000 pounds a year.

That's $21,600.

Is this a sick joke or something?

What was she thinking?  The royals hate her anyway, and who can survive on nothing?  But she tried and now royally failed.

Yesterday she starred on Oprah, confessing, apologizing—you know the routine.

And okay, I fell for it.

Her mother left her at 13, and the Windsors of England, that goofy, homey bunch, are as warm as a as an icicle coated icebox in Siberia.

So maybe Andrew could bail out his ex?   They’re still very close.

After the divorce, the couple continued to live in Sunningdale Park, their marital home until Andrew sold it to Kazakh, an oil-rich Arab for a stunning profit of twenty million. The man knowingly overpaid to buy influence into the royal family.  Later Kazakh also gave Andrew a house in Abu Dhabi.

Did I hear right? Forget about Fergie selling access to her ex.

Are you aware that the Arabs have purchased the prince, heart, body, and soul? 
This only pads Andrew annual allowance of $358,560 that he receives from his mother compared to Fergie’s $21,600.  You think there's a little sexual bias going on?  

Like I said, the Duchess is in deep you-know-what, and it would be a dream if Andrew would charge up the hill on his pure white horse and write a fat juicy check in his ex-wife’s name.

But Prince Charming doesn’t sound like he’s got the courage to get his ass in the saddle, much less rescue the duchess.

He’s been bought and paid for every step of the way while Fergie’s hawked Weight Watchers, Avon, Wedgwood China, her children’s books, and signed up with the Washington Speakers’ Bureau.

She’s got guts in her belly, fire, no fear, working to support herself, and paying the bills.  Okay, she tried, failed, and did something incredibly stupid.

But in my book that’s better than doing nothing at all.