Paula Deen's a Big Fat Fraud

Paula Deen

You know what chutzpah is?  That’s someone who kills his parents, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he’s now a lonely orphan with no one to care for him.

Of course Paula Deen knows all this.  She could teach the class.  Her high-fat, sugar-loaded cookery has starred on the food network and guested on morning talk shows for years.  Suddenly, this lady who refuses to acknowledge that her menu can dig her viewers into freshly marked graves at ripe young ages, announces on the Today Show Tuesday that she has type II diabetes and will start to cook healthier meals.
WHAT?
Heads turn, eyes blink, and those swear words that can't be spoken on TV are blasted all over the media.  Not only that, but this sweet southern liar has been hiding her secret for three long years.  Three?  In the meantime, her fans have gotten fatter and sicker, and she has still withheld this knowledge, not once demonstrating healthy eating or any alternatives.  What a queen.

 

So why the sudden change, the world asks.  Chefs and nutritionists have been criticizing her for years.  Turns out it was simply a payoff.  A drug company offered Deen money to make nutritious dishes for diabetics.   Despite her millions, despite her previous criticism—Barbara Walters once accused her of telling kids it’s okay to eat cheesecake for breakfast and chocolate cake for lunch—she will start preparing leafy foods for a few thousand greenbacks more.  Well more like many many thousands.  And boy, the backlash has been fast and furious.
 

Anthony Bourdain, the New York chef and host of Travel Channel’s, “No Reservations,” tweeted on Twitter, “I’m thinking of getting into the leg breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later.”   Dr. Loren Green, a noted nutritionist called Deen more than a hypocrite because she was getting paid for her hypocrisy.
Deirdre Imus blogged that the only thing surprising about Paula Deen’s announcement on the Today Show was that she didn’t do it with a fried stick of butter hanging out of her mouth.

 By the way, where were the tabloids all this time?  Aren't these guys following celebrities day and night?  Oh, only Angelina and Katy Perry?  Then Paula Deen's too uncool to qualify?  I see.  So Deen was safe while the average American wasn't.  
Because The National Enquirer didn't know that there's a killer in the kitchen.  Oh, she may look innocent with her twinkling blue eyes and shining smile—while she’s furiously mixing some buttered fried chicken and melted cheeses, and lots and lots of eggs--but she isn't.

                                                                               
Hey, don't we have enough hypocrites running across our screens every evening, smiling while swearing they’d be perfect for president?
By the way Gingrich, I believe your wife, not you, that you DID ask her if she'd accept an open marriage.  And do you know why I believe her?  Because you always had a new woman waiting in the wings while you got rid of your present wife, even if your wife was sickly, even if she needed you desperately.  You needed your freedom but couldn't take the chance of being alone, not even for a minute.
So in reality you had a one-sided open marriage all along because you rarely stopped committing adultery.   By the way, got anybody now?  



Paula Deen might not be running for anything, but really, how many more do we need?