For Gen X, Last Names First

When our daughter Barbra was pregnant, she told us it was a boy but wouldn’t let us in on the name.   Why not?   Did she think we'd criticize or mumble something under our breath?   I promised to keep mute—an impossibility, of course, and one that she never bought.  So everyone remained silent—until Hudson was born. 

Hudson?

Sounded more like a last name than a first, though now I love it and can't think of him as anyone else.  Still it was different, and I wondered what others would think.  Boy, was I uncool.  Must've been out to lunch with my hula hoop.   

Hudson is not only a popular moniker, but in the surname department, my grandson’s got plenty of company.  There are suddenly hundreds of Hudsons.

Last weekend my husband and I flew to Atlanta so that we could hold him again and found Barbra organizing an Easter egg hunt for her neighborhood.  Too busy running around, she assigned me the job of pushing his buggy and staring down at his gorgeous face.  Ah, but I digress.

The Easter egg hunt was wild with kids—about forty babies and toddlers accompanied their parents, not counting their older siblings running all over the place.   I sauntered around admiring the children, and boy did I learn something new.  

Generation X has simply rejected the thousands of regular names in the baby naming books and searched the sky for something creative.   I met a woman who also had a Hudson but thought it might be too run-of-the-mill so she spelled it, H-u-t-s-o-n.

“Hutson with a ‘t?’”  I asked.  I then asked her if she realized that her son would be spelling his name for the rest of his life.  She laughed and thought it was cute.  The woman's loony, I thought, searching for others.  I soon found Parks, Anderson, Keegan, Reid, Ryder, and Davis. Were they boys or girls?  Who knew? 

What happened to the Nancys, Jennifers, Carleys, and Sues?  They don't fit anymore 'cause the new names sound like the cover head of law firms.  Take Anderson, Davis, Ryder, and Tuttle.  Powerful, prestigious.  Generation X means business from the beginning.

And celebrities?   They've taken the baby-naming business and hiked it on steroids.  So Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple.  It’s silly and meaningless, but it almost sounds normal compared to the others.

Paul Jillette, the illusionist of Penn and Teller, calls his baby Moxie Crimefighter.  Frank Zappa’s two children are Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin.  Rob Morrow’s daughter is Tu.  Get it, Tu Morrow?  Jeez.   My eyes were rolling out of their sockets when I learned that Jason Lee, star of the defunct sitcom, “My Name is Earl,” calls his child, Pilot Inspektor.   David Duchovny and Tea Leoni couldn't be outdone and came up with Kyd, while Jermaine Jackson named his newborn Jermajesty.  How does “Jermajesty” sound on a job application?  Does one bow before reading?   

The names Andy and Emily seem as old as the pyramids. I tried but couldn't find one in the group. Still, I bet they’ll return with a roar.  After a lifetime of watching arched eyebrows and faces breaking with laughter, Tu Morrow and Moxie Crimefighter will discover Jack and Jill and think they’ve invented the wheel. 

I hope they hurry before Apple calls her twins Purple Plum and Little Queen Cantaloupe.